Schools
Behavioral Expert Lends Advice Against Bullying
Expert Jeanine Fitzgerald provides simple and easily integrated solutions to fight a growing problem.
The national bullying epidemic has become widespread throughout local communities; some speculate more than 6.1 million children are affected every day. As a result, Seekonk parents and educators alike are constantly searching for new behavioral tools and solutions to deal with this problem.
“Our emphasis should be on how to get other children involved to stop it,” Human Behavior Consultant Jeanine Fitzgerald, said during an anti-bullying seminar at the Seekonk Public Library on Thursday night.
The majority of children affected are not the bullies; they are the targets and the bystanders. Bullies intimidate in subtle ways that many adults overlook, or underestimate. Many children who are bullying do not even know what it is.
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“I think every child is impacted by bullying every day,” said Fitzgerald.
One of the most commonly made mistakes, when dealing with a bullying situation, is the idea that putting the children together to work out their problem will result in a positive outcome.
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“This is akin to taking a battered person and putting them in the room with their batterer and saying find a solution. This leads the target into further levels of fear,” said Fitzgerald.
The children must be separated and dealt with individually. The bully needs to be taught that what they are doing is wrong and shown why. The target needs to be reassured that they do not deserve to be treated like in this negative manner and that they have a voice that will be heard.
Parents that may become frustrated with children must also realize that their behavior can only be considered challenging if it interferes with the child’s ability to function. The behavior has to happen in two out of three of the child’s natural environments and the behavior must last longer than six months to be diagnosable.
“There is no such thing as hopeless children, only adults that grow hopeless about the situation they are in with the children,” said Fitzgerald.
Fitzgerald believes that the problem does not lie within the child; it is the interactional patterns that the child faces on a daily basis. If a parent finds it challenging to deal with a child, the child finds it equally challenging.
“Sometimes children need to be taught values. I believe in taking a teaching approach rather than a disciplinary one,” said Fitzgerald.
Fitzgerald does believe that when there is the pattern of bullying behavior there is one rule that must be stated negatively, “hurting others will not be tolerated." This rule must be straightforward and unwavering.
One major obstacle for adults to begin the fight against the growing bullying problem is recognizing the difference between peer conflict and bullying. With peer conflict, or sibling rivalry, there is a balance of power. In the end the children will either agree to disagree, or find a solution. In a bullying situation, there is always an imbalance of power, the bully has it all and the target has none.
“Bullying patters can begin at two years old and will continue to build on itself unless there is an intervention. This behavior peaks in middle school and starts to decline (slightly) in high school,” said Fitzgerald.
There are an extremely high percentage of bullies that grow up to become involved in domestic abuse relationships and terrorism; it is the same behavior pattern.
An important and effective tool in bullying prevention is teaching children the difference between telling and tattling. Tattling is telling on someone to get them into trouble; telling is to protect someone for their safety.
There are several key steps to follow when dealing with the target of a bully. First, believe them. When children are able to muster up the nerve to tell an adult about their bullying situation it is crucial that they are believed. If not, they will stop talking.
“It is a huge leap for them to talk, so you have to listen” said Fitzgerald.
A key preventative measure to teach children is to never go anywhere alone. Bullies do not want to be caught, so if a child does not put themselves in a situation where they can be found alone, the bully is more likely to steer clear of them.
Targets and bystanders have to be encouraged to tell and adults must act in these situations.
“If you tell them to tell and no one responds you lose their trust,” said Fitzgerald.
Finally, teach children to be assertive. Bullied children are usually the quieter ones. Sixty percent of people are non-assertive and these behaviors are passed on to children. Somewhere between aggressive communication and passive communication is the delicate balance of assertive communication.
Nobody responds to aggressive communication, where they are being ordered and demanded to do things. However, they equally do not respond to passive communication laced with uncertainty and non-specific language.
“Assertive communication is firm, but gentle,” said Fitzgerald.
Fitzgerald believes that the best way to teach children to be assertive is to role play with them. Putting them into “real-life” situations allows children to be prepared when confronted with a bully in their everyday lives.
Fitzgerald’s lecture was sponsored by the Coordinated Family and Community Engagement Grant. This grant, funded through the Massachusetts Department of Early Education and Care, is designed to help families locate community resources on advocacy, education, health, food, housing assistance and other social services.
“We want to get resources to the parents,” said Rosemarie Ricci, an educational support specialist at Child Care Works, the group that oversees the grant.
The Coordinated Family and Community Engagement Council, is made up of local members of the community and works to further the goals and objectives of the grant.
The Council is open to all interested and eligible parties. Anyone interested in joining the Council should contact Ricci at rricci@paceccw.org.