"Wish I Spent More Time on the Job," Not On My Gravestone

If the notion that “family comes first” can be reduced to the metaphor of a family as a spouse then certainly careers are jealous lovers. I remember when I went back to college at the University of Massachusetts in Boston,  I was pushing a baby in a stroller with two older children in tow and we happened be blocking the way of someone who was walking much faster than we were.  I said something apologetic in nature and a woman said something I’ll never forget but I can’t quote exactly.  It was something to the effect of, “When you talk to people who are close to death or go look at headstones in a graveyard you’ll never find anyone wishing they had spent more time on the job. Enjoy your time with your children.  Life is short enough."

I was surprised. I didn’t think that my innocent apology was enough to spark a philosophical discourse but there it was. And it left a lasting and permanent mark. Since then, I have never felt sorry for my choices to be with my family and I continually try to discern whether my balance is appropriate or not.

Something that helps me is that in my house we don’t watch TV as a general rule.  It isn’t because I don’t like what the networks have to offer because I don’t know what they have on. I simply don’t like to compete with television or video games for my family’s time and attention. The sad fact is that media, in the form of movies, play-station  games, game boys, game girls, Nintendo DS games, or computer games have largely taken the place of a good book. And I’m not quite sure what the impact is on a developing child’s intellect, but early on I decided I was not going to “play that game."  I admit to being prejudiced in the favor of books as I don’t mind competing with a good book. However, I think most people would agree that it’s easier to put down a book than turn off the television.

Strangely enough, as a result, we spend more time in conversation. The kids have turned out to be quite the talkers, lingering after dinner in deep conversation or laughing so loudly I’m tempted to sneak off to quieter quarters. Having less media to compete with helps us to balance work and home because it enables our family to focus more on relationships.  We talk, laugh, and listen more frequently. We still have our share of issues and problems but talking about those problems is easier due to less distractions.

When I was a pre-teen, my parents got rid of our television. I remember being transfixed by Gilligan’s Island when I went over to a friends house. I LOVED it. And yet I don’t remember missing television. We were much too busy for that. Thus, the cultural norm of not letting our lives revolve around a television screen was set for me as a child.   

Having said that I don’t want to send the message that technology is bad. No, I believe technology is simply a tool. It’s all what you do with it that makes it good or bad. So of course we have our “movie nights’ and we check our e-mail and we post on Facebook and all that wonderful stuff. Yet, these things can also whittle away time when time is precious in juggling work and family.

Finally, I don’t want to chase illusions as Don Quixote did in the play, “The Man of La Mancha,” written in the 1500's by Miguel Cervantes. The main character in the story is a 50 year-old country gentleman who becomes obsessed with the idea of chivalrous knights on horseback to the point where he deludes himself into thinking that his simple country world has become a medieval opportunity. He makes hilarious mistakes in his delusions and ends up chasing windmills on his skinny nag because he thinks that they are giants for him to slay. I often ask myself if I am truly slaying giants when I spend time away from my family or am I simply chasing windmills. Sometimes it is difficult to tell.