Rebecca, thank you for posting this. In my role as a Girl Scout leader here in town, I've come across many kids who have been the victims of bullying. There was a lot of hard work by parents and the school committee to implement the bullying policy. I'm surprised to hear of your child's experience, however I'm not surprised the administration didn't want it to be discussed in public. Unfortunately, that is one of the issues I've had with the current administration from the time my daughter was in Kindergarten (she's headed into 5th grade now). I know I'll be talking with others about this. Thank you for having the courage to come forward.

Why not take it one step further and file a police report if the administration won't do anything about it?

wait, is this in the Attleboro School Department you are referring to Rebecca? I'm curious to know what school and who it was reported to that basically, the way I read it, turned the other way when you tried to complain. That right there would be cause to go the police not only for the bullying issue, but to set the perpetrators parents straight as well and let this child know, by law enforcement, that it will not be tolerated. Something doesn't seem right here. Did your child tell you that a teacher told you that she would be in trouble for "tattling" about the bullying or tattling in general? I'm thinking some facts are left out, and some important ones, before we bombard the school committee with false or incomplete information.

The keyword is found in the very first sentence. This is an UNOFFICIAL policy. Maybe it's the "inmates" way of creating a hierarchy. Kids are pretty creative. The school playground is a great training for future gangsters and politicians.

In all seriousness, the policy itself is nuts. Obligating children to turn in other children is over the line. Perhaps immoral, IMHO.

Punished for speaking up about being bullied?? I find that very hard to believe. Is it truly bullying or is it 2 kids who can't agree? Nobody deserves to be hit regardless. Start dropping names and you'll see how fast you get answers.

@Rebecca-in response to your response to Deb saying it's "illegal"...if it's illegal, shouldn't it be reported to the police as I stated in my first response? They have to investigate the complaint at the very least. If anything, tell them you want an escort to the bully's house to set the record straight. Does the bully's parent(s) know about these incidents?

If you had read all my post I believe I've answered your question about the police "city watcher", what's your name again? I don't remember reading it, you want me to give names but you can't even give your own. I have gone to the school and they have spoken to the parents, and my child is not the only one who has had problems with this one. I have even requested that they either move my child or the other child to another class and the refused to do so. Regardless it's the school's job to report bullying and this policy of theirs deters children from doing so, why defend it?

I apologize if all the info was not immediately available in the original post this has gone on for sometime and I could write at length about it. Besides my own children I have family, Friends & neighbors children in these schools and I only wish to see that they are as safe as possible, this policy rule doesn't seem as though it will do so. If you agree than call. At the very least people will know and can decide if they agree.

I have chosen to remain anonymous because of this very subject. My daughter was bullied at Wamsutta. I emailed Principal Coffin at the time and she immediately took care of the situation. I also contacted the bully's mother and told her I would contact the police if the situation was not rectified. She was not aware of the situation and was furious at her son for bullying my daughter. He was not so tough when he had to deal with his mother. All I'm saying is, if it is not handled by the school, don't hesitate to go to the police and report it, which is what I was advised to do so. Fortunately, I didn't have to go that far. The principal wanted nothing to do with bullying in her school at the time. Naturally, my daughter did not want to speak up for fear of retaliation. The bully apologized and was remorseful of his actions. I did read all your posts. You just assume the police won't handle it the way it should be handled. It doesn't say you went to them. If you tell them you are going to the parents' house, I'm sure they would provide an escort.

I have a child enrolled at Willett.

My experience with the school administration does not jibe at all with what you've stated in your original post.

I've worked directly with Mrs. Zinni in the past and have found her to be open, honest and frank on all subjects discussed.

My experience is not yours but I was concerned enough to ask my child directly about her experience with the matter... I asked her three questions:

1. Have the teachers or Mrs. Zinni encouraged you to report any bullying either with you or someone else?

The answer was yes.

2. Have the teachers at school or Mrs. Zinni ever said you would be in trouble for telling someone about a bully?

The answer was no.

3. When was the last time you talked about this in school?

Just a couple of days ago.

My experience is clearly different than yours. But for me the situation as described by my daughter does not warrant a petition to the school committee for action on this matter.

I hope you can work things out with the school. No child should feel threatened or unsafe at school.

Did you read the title of this blog or am I reading it wrong? "No Tattling on Bullies" is the title. Not sure if you titled it or the Patch.

The policy is don't tattle tail. If the rule was no tattle tailing except for bullying than that I would have posted this would I? If you have concerns about this policy than call if not than don't call.

Of course I would have a concern if it was "no tattling on Bullies" which is what the title of the blog states and what lead me to believe that that is what you meant by the policy. Coincidentally, I just went to pick up my 3rd grade daughter at ABACUS. While I was there, another 3rd grader ran up to the teacher and said "johnny just took one of my crayons". The teacher's reply was "oh Michael, you know we don't like tattling here...". Normally I would not even give it a second thought and write it off as a teacher who is tired of hearing 30 3rd graders "tattle" on each other and want them to figure out their problems on their own. But when it comes to a child hitting another child, unprovoked I assume, I would think the school would have to take some kind of action on it. Since this blog is one sided, I would have to wait and see when and if the school and/or school committee comments on this. It was stated by the Patch on their Facebook post that they are investigating. I'm curious to see what they have to say to defend this policy.

I'm not arguing the wording and I said I would wait to see what the outcome of the investigation is by the Patch, seeing as this blog is one sided. I'm not trying to argue with you at all. I understand your concerns completely. If you read my last comment, this is what I said "But when it comes to a child hitting another child, unprovoked I assume, I would think the school would have to take some kind of action on it". I would certainly be concerned if there was no action taken if it were my child that was hit and she had a fear of "tattling". I'm not against it being addressed at all. Why is the title of this blog "No Tattling on Bullies" if that wasn't what you meant?? I told you why I chose to remain anonymous but for the record, my first name is Christine. (and yes, it really is my first name). I just asked my daughter if she was told not to tattle at school and if she knew what it meant. She said no tattling means "not to tell the teacher about every little thing but if you get hurt by another student, then tell the teacher". That's coming from a 3rd grader. What you have on your hands is a definite case of bullying. When I see little Johnny taking little Michael's crayons and little Michael tattling about it,I don't consider that cause for concern if my child was told not to tattle. If she comes home in tears over something, I would raise heck too and not let it slide.I try my best to teach my kids to learn to handle the situation without an adult intervening.

I am sorry your child has had to deal with these issues. It is heart breaking to see your child suffer. I am dissapointed at the comments in response to your post. It is almost as if they are suggesting you are making this up. To refer back to a post by City Watcher, I think that the teacher telling a child, "...we don't like tattling here." is sending the wrong message! At the very least educate children what kind of tattling is OK. As a mother of a kindergarten student, we too have dealt with bullying. At the kindergarten level this is especially upsetting. What is more upsetting is that the admin. insisted on keeping the matter quiet. I understand not creating a panick and ptotecting the rights of all students, but isn't it our right as parents to have as much info as possible when it comes to the safety of our children? My daughter had a serious issue with another student and after reporting 2 separate episodes, we discovered that it had happened with another student prior to us.
We were forced to seek the help of police. They referred us back to the school because of the children's ages. I tried to consult the superintendent, I was contacted by a member of her team, who told me "Dr. Durkin does not make return phone calls." I have given up on the Attleboro school system and have chosen not to send our daughter back. I feel let down by the school.
I will be calling to have this issue addressed publicly. Thank you for speaking up.

I'm sorry that you are having this experience at Willett. I have 3 sons with one currently enrolled in the 2nd grade at Willett. I have had many positive interactions with Ms. Zinni and she has always been highly professional and addressed problems in a very timely manner. My Son had issues this year in class and on the bus, it was taken care of immediately. When I have called with bus stop issues or concerns regarding things my Son has told me she is very quick to solve the problems and get answers back to our family. Again, I'm sorry that you and your child are having a bad experience. I hope you find the resolution you are seeking.

I too am sorry you are having to deal with this. I see both sides of this- We also have had some issues at the bus stop and have reported it to Mrs Zinni who addressed it right away. But I have also heard the "no tattle-taling" rule as well. I understand the intent- lets the kids learn to resolve their own issues in a proper manner using the Willett Way as their guide but I also feel that while well intended- it is not thought out well. Each child thinks differently and I am sure many children understand no tattle taling as to mean not to come forward. I myself know my child has a hard time distinguishing between tattling and reporting a serious situation. I do not agree with the no tattling policy myself in the schools however I do encourage it at home- with clear distinctions. But at home, there is not fear of discipline and it is a one-on-one conversation with my child- where he can understand it easier. I do think more parents need to be aware of this policy. I know it goes completely against some parents parenting styles. Thank you for coming forward and dont take to heart the negative poeple.

city watcher: you have a lot to say for someone who hides behind a pen name. Screw up your courage and write under your real name!! Your postings will have more credibility.

@ Janice.... here is MY daughters stories and more information about the Attleboro School systems...

http://​m.thesunchronicle.com/​articles/2011/12/20/​attleboro/10679067.txt

http://​thesunchronicle.com/​articles/2012/03/07/news/​11119600.txt

http://www.abc6.com/story/​17124116/​bullying-forces-attleboro-t​een-to-withdraw-from-ahs

Those are my daughter's articles and news cast. She has been dealing with it since 6th grade and the schools wouldn't do anything. She became suicidal this past February and had to be put into a psychiatric facility. She was removed from the school on march 1st and will be getting her GED. In August so she will be a high school graduate at 16.

My 11 yr old son is autistic and he gets bullied by kids in his class. The schools still aren't doing anything about it... This son is ALSO a student at Wamsetta...

The teachers are just as bad as the students. My son has been told by a dean and a teacher to just drop out because he's never gonna graduate. Needless to say my son is a senior and his last day is tomorrow!

@City Watcher.... We DID go to the police on MULTIPLE occasions and was told that the officer who is assigned to the school(s) has to deal with the issue... needless to say the officer @ Brennan AND at AHS didnt want to deal with the situations...

And to add to my above statement.... My oldest son who is graduating next week got suspended and is having criminal charges pressed against him for standing up against one of the boys who was bullying my daughter... The school couldnt/ wouldnt handle it and the kid just pushed my son too far with the rude derogitory comments, and volgour names directed at his sister. All he did was reached across a desk and hit the kid. Mind you the kid had been told over and over to shut up and to stay away from my son in the past... teachers and staff knew that there was an issue and still nothing was done....

My kids have been taught "Don't squeal unless it's a big deal." at their daycare. I think that sums up a sane policy. A teacher can't spend all day dealing with petty complaints, but any sort of hitting or bullying IS a big deal. I hope this is just a misunderstanding and it get's cleared up ASAP.

Hasn't it been City Watcher that has been defending the administration in every other patch story and criticizing the school comittee for "trying" to do their job? What is your opinion now? Do you think these parents are making this stuff up? C'mon, they must "have it out for Durkin" as you think members of the school committee do because they hold her accountable to DO HER JOB! This is disgraceful and this should not be tolerated. NO child should be unsafe in our schools!

@"RANDERS".... Have you read all of my comments thoroughly? Just because I don't agree with YOU doesn't mean I don't have a right to express my opinion about our administration. I'm not criticizing the entire school committee, just a certain few. Do you have a problem with me commenting? Then don't read my comments. But I'm not going to go kicking and screaming to my rep with arms flailing demanding answers without hearing both sides of the story as this blog is one sided. I have many friends that are teachers in the school system. A few say yes, there is a "no tattling" policy, BUT, about petty things. (read my comments for referral) And a few have never even heard of such a policy.(all at different schools) I have never once implied these parents are making this stuff up. The only thing I said was "I find that hard to believe" which by that I meant the title of this blog, "No Tattling on Bullies!". Unlike you, I'm not commenting to cause a spitting contest. My opinion is, and always has been, I agree no child should be unsafe in our schools. If the parents are having such a hard time with these teachers/deans, why not call them out by name? They were told not to in order to protect their identity but everybody is quick to lay the blame on Durkin which they have a right to do seeing as she is the superintendant. While dragging Durkin's name through the mud, drag the source's name as well and let that source tell their side of the story as well. Have a nice day.

@Rebecca, please read my comments carefully. I wrote a few teachers have heard of the "No Tattling" policy, BUT, about petty things, ie...crayon thieves NOT about not tattling on bullying. I also wrote that a few have never heard of the no tattling policy.

I agree, citywatcher. I will go further to say, and I know it not well received, that as a society (and I dont mean Attleboro, or School Committee, or Administration - I mean our NATION) we have "babified" our children. I have 2 children (middle and elementary) and they have both had instances where they have been "bullied" in school or on the bus. As parents, we console our children, explain right from wrong, but also tell them to stand up for themselves. My children will never throw a first punch or kick a first kick, but they will defend themselves if needed. If we (as parents) get called into school because of this behavior, we will absolutely back them up. I have told this to one principal already. My child's ego will not be destoyed by another. If I get called in, I want the other childs parents there as well. We will find resolution. Demand it. If necessary, my child will be disciplined. Look back to your childhood.... were you never bullied or bully others? This is one of many problems that children need to work out amongst themselves if possible. They will be stronger for it. I once finally pulled the hair of a girl who relentlessly picked on my big ears in middle school. My parents made me apologize, so did hers, and we both had to serve detention. But we got over it, and stronger because of it. And no one made fun of my ears again.

@omg Rebecca. Really? What I write in my responses are 100% true and accurate. It's up to you whether you want to believe them. I have no reason to lie about anything. Yes, I'm a single mother of 2 with THREE jobs. One full time (45 hours a week), which I currently am at right now, surfing the web. (and if you must know, I do have my boss's ok to be on the internet) The other 2 jobs I work as a waitress at 2 different restaurants. One in Norton, the other in North Attleboro. Between both those jobs, it averages out to 65 hours a week. Oh, and I do have the luxury of a Blackberry where I am notified of a response and I can respond any time my heart desires. Is that enough information about me?? The 3 teachers I have asked about the "no tattling" policy are teachers at Thacher. The others, 1 is at Willett, the other at Hyman Fine. There is "no list" you so desire. Read the response above from SD. Any criticism about that response or do you want to continue to badger me? I have not once been critical of you at all. I have never once doubted your story and I did say I was sorry for what you have had to endure. Why so critical of me? I definitely think all the teachers/administrators have to be on the same page with this so-called "no tattling" policy. And there needs to be a clarification between "no tattling" and "no tattling on bullies" as the title of this blog says. SD's response sums it up all so perfectly.

Your child is being sexually harassed but you choose to use your real name....not wise. You are exposing your child's identity. Not good.

Rebecca,
Sorry to hear what you and your child are going through. I have 2 children in the APS and agree that all children should feel safe and secure at school. I asked them about the "no tattle" policy and both seemed to have a good grasp of what it meant, and could explain when it was okay. One used the term Double D, which stands for Dangerous or Destructive, where they should always report a DD. They explained that this was talked about during Second Step (anti-bullying program) which they each do in class once a week. I know this used to be done by the adjustment counselor, who is no longer there. I am wondering if some classes are falling short in the instruction/interpretation or follow-through of this program. The program is ONLY good if it is used consistently and properly and perhaps not all teachers have the same training or use the program in the same way? I would ask some questions about that program and how/when it is being used and if ALL teachers have received training and are implementing it in the classrooms, since (I believe) that is where the policy stems from.

My child is a 4th grade student in Attleboro and she had told me for quite some time now about the DD Policy. Something must be dangerous or destructive in order to tell the teacher. Getting hit would fall under this and it should prevent all the petty crayon stealing complaints. Perhaps the teachers in your school could take care in explaining the difference to students so kids like your daughter don't have to be afraid to tell someone if she is being hit!

My son is in second grade and I asked him about this. He said, if he tattles about something small the teacher will say, "if this is a tattle, I don't hear you". So I asked him, what if someone hits you or is getting hurt. He said then they have to say it's an emergency.

Again where is the no tattling or DD policy written anywhere and why hasn't been given out to the parents to read about? None of you have answered that question yet, where is literature their teaching from because DD, and no tattle tailing is not listed in the Bullying Prevention and Intervention Plan, or school hand book.

Rebecca: Does the school have to list mandatory sentences for every possible scenario? Do you even trust the judgement of your children's teachers?
If you do not trust the judgement of the professional's, I suggest you find an alternative to the government schools.
With all due respect, you are sounding like a teacher's worse nightmare.

Why are we beating up on her? She's having an issue and needed to vent. It started a good conversation, I had never asked my son about this, nor would I have, had I not read this. Deb, as far as trusting the judgement of the teachers, not all teachers are wonderful. I have been lucky with my sons teachers thus far but have certainly seen my share of not so wonderful ones. Rebecca has a right to her opinion and to tell her to find an alternative (which isn't fair) and saying she's a teachers worst nightmare is uncalled for. As mothers our children come first, and we need to protect them at all cost.

Deb: I never said you were a bully. I just think this conversation has gotten out of hand. Every article on here seems to infuriate people and it turns into something more. I just hink she's coming from a place of frustration. In todays world, it all seems to be so much harder to raise kids. When to comfort them without babying, when to let them learn for themselves, when to tell them to suck it up. Things are so much different now from when I was growing up. So many things are taken way too seriously and some not enough, it's not easy to know whats right, for a teacher or a parent.

Actually I think the DD was in place before the Bullying Prevention and Intervention Plan and it may have started before the Second Step Program also I'm really not sure it just seems like my daughter has been saying that for quite some time. I really don't even know if it is a true policy but I do think they may have mentioned it in a newsletter but again this has been in place for so long I don't remember specifics. I know I've used it at home. Is it dangerous or destructive? Again, hitting qualifies that's for sure!

Rebecca - you sound very angry, and I think you should be angry if this is what you experienced. A bit of advise - you are directing a lot of anger at the folks commenting here that are trying to be objective and in some cases even trying to offer advise and suggestions to help you in your cause. It is hard because this is such a close and emotional issue, but read back on these comments a bit later with fresh eyes. Or at least put on a filter that the comments are from someone on the outside looking in as opposed to someone out to argue with you or be mean spirited. I think by doing so you will get a perspective that will help you be an even better advocate for your kids.

Either way, good luck in your journey. I hope this matter becomes resolved for you quickly and you all will be able to move on to brighter days.

Ok I dont know why the links wouldnt work but I have them again. and I did double check them...

http://m.thesunchronicle.com/articles/2012/03/07/attleboro/11124443.txt

http://thesunchronicle.com/articles/2012/03/07/news/11119600.txt

http://www.abc6.com/story/17124116/bullying-forces-attleboro-teen-to-withdraw-from-ahs

if they STILL dont work I will gladly email them to you. I am not afraid to post my email address..
Subbunnie@hotmail.com

As for a child standing up for themselves... it is drilled into our kids heads that there will be NO TOLERANCE for violence and unfortunately this does include self defense. My son defended his sister and got suspended AND now has criminal charges being pressed against him, for one punch that barely connected with the other boy. Someone asked "look back on your childhood and think were you bullied or did you bully someone?" I was... But the difference is that I was in Middle school in the 80's here in North Attleboro and High school in the late 80's early 90's in California. And back then you were ALLOWED to defend yourself. And once I hit back for the first time people started realizing that I was going to fight back. But that did not end the bullying. But I always stood my ground and still do to this day. My children have been taught that NOBODY has any right to touch them unless they want it or allow it. My daughter has suffered spraines, fractures and even a broken bone from 1 particular kid in middle school. And even with witnesses all the boy had to say was "I didnt do it." and the school believed him. My daughter is 6 feet tall and well built, this boy is maybe 5 foot 7 and 130 lbs if that. So teachers that my daughter reported it to said she was making it up or maybe SHE was the one doing the bullying. I have no problem giving names... just let me know and I will give them to you.

And as for simple things like "stealing crayons" if we dont teach our children that that is wrong it will eventually lead to bigger things. My children have been raised by the golden rule... How many other children know this?? My children have ALSO been raised that they DESERVE respect from others. My daughter has very few friends anymore because she has been diagnosed with PTSD, agoraphobia and severe anxiety because of all of this. But she does know other students who have or are being bullied and are TERRIFIED of speaking up because they have seen what she went through. The schools have a NO TOLERANCE for bullying but 90% of the time they do not classify it as bullying. We shouldnt be going after each other.... We should be fighting the system that isnt working.

Cori~I did click on the links and only needed one to refresh my memory. I do remember reading this article about your daughter and it tore at my heartstrings. It's unimaginable what she (and you as a parent) have been through. I said a prayer for your daughter that night. I do remember asking my older daughter at the time if she knew you and if I remember correctly, I think they were in a class together. She said your daughter was very nice and very quiet. (I think they were in middle school together as well). I do hope your daughter is positively progressing towards whatever goals she has set for herself.

My son was suspended for "tattling" on a boy who strangled him and literally held him up against a locker for defending a girl who's books were knocked out of her hands by the "strangler". Then the vice principal (at the time...;) ) tried to tell me that he (my son) did it to himself. I took pics, spoke to the witness and to "the strangler" who admitted it to me. I also sought out a lawyer, who advised me (very well) on the steps to take. My son had already worked out the issue with the other child and I with the child's mother but when the former vice principal made these accusations and suspended my child for "tattling" I took major issue with that! If it hadn't been resolved through Dr. Durkin and the Principal of the school, there would have been much more I would have done. There is always more you can do.....

Melanie: It sounds like what your son did was chivalrous and should be commended. What is even more commendable is the kids worked it out.

In defense of the VP, none of us were there. Was your son really suspended for "tattling"? Is that what the VP said? Is there an official report of such a suspension based on "tattling"?

Sorry I forgot to mention, the incident occurred in the hallway between classes they all had adjoining lockers. The VP said he witnessed my son making the marks outside of the nurses office. My son said he was "holding his throat because it hurt". The suspension slip said he was being suspended for fighting. He never hit anyone.

As for not tattling for stealing crayons, this should be reported. I had an incident in preschool with this very subject. One child would take my daughter's crayons right out her hands. Well, I told my daughter to fight back seeing that it was considered tattling and the teacher did not want to hear it. Needless to say there were slaps and kicks thrown and I said to that teacher "maybe you should have listened when my daughter told you there was a problem." Whether it is crayons or something more serious, it can all lead to destructive behavior if not nipped in the bud. It is ridiculous to tell a child not to tell when they have experience something wrong. Everyone at my daughter's school nows that if someone provokes my child and the teacher dismisses her reporting the situation and she has to defend herself, she will not be the one in trouble and my lawyer has confirmed this. No one can list what is meanial when it comes to bullying because it can lead to more harmful scenarios. If a teacher every tells my child I am not going to listen because this is tattle tailing, then they will be dealing with me and let's see if they go tattle tailing to their superiors. I don't care if you call me a nightmare. I am not, I am a parent who loves my children more than anything in life and will protect them in anyway I can. The school needs to protect every child, no matter how small the incident.

As parents it is also a good idea to teach your children self defense. You and the teachers are not always going to be around. Forget about the tattling, what if your child gets hurt because they are totally depended on parents saving them all the time. Mine takes karate and god help the boy that tries to cop a feel.

@ A. Lamsis and Just sayin' that's pretty much what I was saying. lol Just trying to use words everyone could understand. @ Paul, I hear hear what you are saying as well, my son took Tae Kwon do. Not only does Martial Arts teach self defense but also discipline and respect. All good things!! :)

If this is the Rebecca from North Attleboro that is writing all these posts please email me!! It's Damien's mom Sarah! Arkmjkr23@gmail.com
We are in Attleboro now too and oh boy I can't wait to chime in on this!!

Schools not dealing with tattle tailing can lead to more serious issues later on. How many stories have we heard about students being bullied and tortured enough so that they retaliate. Children told not to tattle, but keep taking the brunt of bullies at school can lead to destructive behavior. Have we not forgot the killings at other schools. Children who have been teased and picked on. If the teachers do not stop this early in a childs school years, then the same child will continue to be picked on until he/she snaps. Every issue should be investigated and not left to children to decide how to handle it. We are promoting bad behaviors. Children should not be making adult decisions. The teachers should guid them and not dismiss the problem. I can see how a crayon situation between preschoolers can turn into a fight. Have you ever seen preschoolers fight over toys. Adults have to intervene to stop the behavior, not just say "I don't want to hear it, it is tattle tailing." This leads to the students taking it into their own hands and at a school age, they do not have the reasoning and deductioning skills like an adult. We can't expect them to handle the situation in an adult manner. The schools are responsible for the safety of every child in their care. If they do not want to deal with children reporting others for wrong doing, then maybe they are in the wrong profession.